With all that today's technology and the Internet has given us, we can also include long distance relationships ... understanding that it can be a useful tool, in terms of meeting someone that we wouldn't normally meet in everyday life. Although I believe a long distance relationship could only work for a predetermined period of time (eventually SOMEone is gonna have to move), I'm interested in opinions on how realisticly can one actually work in general. Thoughts? ....

Yes, I think I would have to agree with you. If you want the relationship to progress to that next level then someone would have to move I think. If you want to start slowly as friends and work your way from there, then I think Long distance relationships can help in establishing a lot of the groundwork that can sometimes be more awkward in face to face relationships.

funny u ask im dating a girl 153 miles away from me .yes the distance is a pain sometimes but its worked out well so far and its going on 3 months........yes i wish she was closer .. just have to travel to chattanooga alot or she comes here.

My thoughts are........it doesn't work. I might be a tad on the glass half empty side of this subject........but.......it just is a bad idea from the start. Let's face it, unless one of the parties involved has absolutely no ties to their hometown and can transfer job/home/life to another place, it just isn't easy. Hearts get broken and eventually it has to end. Friends, yes........I have wonderful friends from all over. One of my best friends lives out of state.....but can it or would it go farther........nope. The only way I can see this working out for someone (and I'm sure it has for a few) is with alot of hard work and determination and one hell of a big change for someone. It's a shame too, because as you said.......we have the opportunity with all this technology at our fingertips to meet such wonderful folks and might hit it off beautifully with someone 10 or 12 hours away. But the fact remains that's still a long distance relationship.

They can work... but it takes two people with shared perspectives and a desire to bring it together... just like any other relationship. I was in one and although the distance (8 hours) was a pain, the memory of the relationship still makes me smile.

Some people shy away from the idea of a long distance relationship because it would require a lot of work, but
nothing worthwhile in life comes easy... and then again, some things are easier said than done.

Just my humble

According to a google search I did this morning, the world population is estimated to be 6,602,224,175.

Even if the numbers are off by a billion or so... there's a lot of potential hiding in those numbers.

So if a person is on a quest to meet the love of their life (and I'm not sure such a thing exists, but for the sake of the thread, let's say it does) ... but they automatically dismiss anyone beyond a certain distance, aren't they lessening their chance for meeting "the one"???

Your thoughts?

Upon entering into a long distance relationship, there needs to be a clear understanding between the two people as to who's flexible for moving, and who isn't, etc etc. That discussion needs to be made in the very beginning to prevent broken hearts in the future. If, at any time, either of the two change their mind about moving, they have nothing short of a moral obligation to tell the other person so that the situation may be re-evaluated.

Both people need to be aware of what they are doing as far as responsibilities and compromises that go along with a l/d relationship, maybe more so than a normal relationship.

I know that it seems premature to have such a heavy subject opened up right in the beginning of a relationship, but it will only save both people broken hearts and time.

It depends on your age and what you're looking for. If you want a nice friendship with occational visits and no heavy entanglements, then yes, absolutely. If you're looking for a life companion, then probably not. Anyone can look good from a distance, hide things about themselves that could be deal breakers for you, etc. You just don't know someone until you spend face time with them, see how they treat others, and how they conduct their daily lives. If one of you moves to the same town where the other one is, then what? What if you spend a few months together and decide it's not what you want? The guilt of the person who didn't move and the expectation of the person who did... it's disaster. I'm not saying that it couldn't work, but I do think the odds are against it.

I may be overly optimistic on this topic, but I think it's entirely based on the two people involved. I don't think it's possible to say "it will" or "it won't" work in general. Every relationship is different. I know a very happily married couple who--due to job travel--see each other only on weekends, and that set up works great for them.

I think it would be a mistake to eliminate the possibility of good relationship just because of distance. It is harder because of time and travel restraints, but isn't the possibility of a good relationship worth some sacrifices? Perhaps you will reach a point where you have to move on if the negatives outway the positives, but would you really want to miss the opportunity?

Okay, I know this is corny, but it made me think of a Garth Brooks song...The Dance...I think...

"And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance"

And I'll tell you (and you know who you are), I wouldn't want to miss this dance for anything...

I think Heck No!!!!!!!!!!

Long distance relationship means 4 people happy ( if u know what I mean).

This is a really interesting topic. I am not sure of the answer. I've heard a lot of stories in which people have met the love of their lives and that person was a person they met online who lived far away. In my job I get to hear lots of details of people's lives and it is very interesting to me to hear how things happened, etc. It is nice to hear happy stories.

I've been thinking about this topic a bit lately. I think that it would be really hard. I know that the last relationship I had was with someone I met online who lived about 1.5 hours away and it was difficult and that was only an hour and a half!! We ended up buying a house together so that we could live halfway between each of our places of work. Well, it did not work out and I have learned a lot from that. I think in a ltr it would be very easy to take things to quickly in order to get the wait over with (make life changing decisions). I think in these situations you may have to be even more careful with decision making since, as someone mentioned above, you don't get to see the person as often and don't learn about some of the things you would learn being together a lot.

on the other hand, I think it is neat that you can fall for someone in a different way (rather than just based on physical or lust). I saw a cute story on another mb. Maybe i'll track it down and post it.

Here is a link to the thread...very cute story!

http://www.123stitch.com/cgi-bin/BBS/bbs_f...7815-000000.msg

This is very interesting topic indeed. I have done the long distant, but still doable, kind of relationship.(kinda like orbis, where it takes a couple hours to see each other but it is doable). It was kinda tough, but we were willing to try. It went on for about 2 1/2 yrs. We had our ups and downs as any relationship does, but as so many have already pointed out, the time came when the question of moving came up. Both of us saw it to be easier for the other to move. When we both resisted, we both started backing off from the relationship.( I cant blame one or the other of us because we were both guilty) I must admit, like Jeanne, some of the memories that we share were great. It is something I wouldnt trade the world for. I loved him then and I still love him now...just in a different way.

I have been faced with this situtaion again, recently, but there is a twist. This is my question.....

Do you think an extremely long distance relationship, where people are from different cultures and social settings, can work? (example is a plain Jane, small town southern girl and a blue blood, big city man)

I think a person would definitely be dismissing a possible love interest or 'the one' by not going past a certain distance ... I mean, c'mon ... out of 6,602,224,175 people in this world, surely to God there is ONE poor b**tard that would be the love of my life! LMAO - However ... I also think realisticly, it would be the ultimate challenge in the relationship ... unless time and travel were never an issue. Having a relationship with someone halfway across the globe does not seem logical to me. If you were already in a relationship and something like a job put the distance between you, well ... that would be a different story. I just wonder if one person does move for another, and it doesn't work out, will the person that moved resent the person they moved for? Lots of questions can be raised here ... but I do have to agree with Chetsie's lyrics ... sometimes our lives are better left to chance.

I would have to agree with what Chetsie said earlier ... it's entirely based on the two people involved. Although that kind of distance and those kind of differences can definitely add to the challenge of making it work ... I believe if two people click, it's definitely worth checking out ... he may be the 1 in 6 ka-jillion for ya!

I actually laughed out loud... Thank you, I needed that!


Pardon the interruption... now back to the thread:

Sure it can work...IF both people are MATURE and HONEST and both are willing to take the chance on each other. Trust is a huge factor - I could see where that would be hard to do being so far away from each other, but if you're willing to take the chance on each other you HAVE to have the trust. I think most of all - each person must realize there is certain responsibility you have to accept when you decide to romance someone L/D. It can't just be about your own wants and needs. If it is, ultimately the relationship will end with hurt feelings and heart break. And thats really sad.

I am in a long distance one as we speak.. we live 8 hours away me at the bottom of louisiana and he near memphis tn.... si the drive is farely long.... most of our time is spent on the phone, internet, and email... he drives in once a month.. it is alot of hard work to keep it going but i truely love him and i feel if two ppl love each other things will alwyas work out. I always felt I could never live away from my family and friends but I tell myself what doesnt kill me will make me stronger, and i keep going. I would never have give this any thought and blew him off but I have a friend of 17 plus years and she happened to have been chatting online and meet this really sweet guy one BIG problem.. he was from Sweden... they chatted daily even on the phone once in a while he came in for a month and it has been history... they married a year later and have been for 12 yrs and 2 kids... they lived in sweden for a while and now live here. so i think with alot of work it will work for those of you who want it to...I have made big changes i work 7 and 7 --12 hour shift at the police dept to spend time with him.. alot to deal with but worth every min of it..... so good luck to all of you who try!!!!!!!!!

p.s. I GOT ENGAGED TO MY LONG DISTANCE LOVE ON JULY 1ST............


SHELLY

Every situation and person is totally different.....

But.....

I know these two people who have been seeing each other for 10 months.... They both live in Tennessee but there is almost 227 miles between them.... They make sure they see one another every 2 weeks.... He even drove 8 hours two days after Christmas from visiting friends in Missouri just to see her, where as he was to have spent New Years with his friends but wanted to come back to see her instead..... So I "feel" as if there can be a possiblity if they both really want it to happen... Then again, what will the outcome of this relationship be?

Just my humble opinion but it's like enjoying a good book... Does a person really need to know the ending to enjoy what they're reading?

There are no guarantees in this life... I hope they have a good time while it lasts!

I think it really depends on the situation. My boyfriend and I live 1hr from each other and when school is going on we are lucky to see each other ever 2mths. My sister and her now husband lived 8hrs from each other and they saw each other every 2wks. So I think it depends on devotion and the people involved.

I agree! Plus, you have no way of knowing how any relationship will end -- long-distance or otherwise.

I love this. Thanks for you post.

So basically the consensus is that I should just go for it!

Tell me again what you have to lose????

Rhonda, my apologies, I think this part of your post was overlooked and it's an interesting question.

To me, this is about personality, compromise, and respect - on both parts... and in the end, that's like any other relationship, right?

Maybe my perspective is too simplistic. Anyone else????

It can be hard. I've worked with people who have had this issue and it can be hard sometimes to speak the same language (even if both of you are speaking English). Of course, I am probably talking more about overseas/cross cultural relationships. It is doable but you need to have open communication and the ability to really try to understand the other person from their shoes.

Absofruitly nothing!!

I think there are possibilities overlooked if one rules out these types of relationships altogether...but, if neither on is willing to move, I don't see how a life mate situation can be gained part time or long distance...guess it depends on what one is looking for...it never ceases to amaze me though, how many long distance on line relationships you see or hear about...The internet has certainly had a huge impact on many social activities, but especially on the way romances occur.

So, for the people here who think long distance relationships can work, is this based on first-hand experience? A couple of you said you've been in them, and one of you is engaged (congrats, btw) to someone you met online (I'm assuming?). Are any of you in a LD relationship now? and if so, where did you meet and how is working out?

I was in a long distance relationship (we were even in the same state, less than 60 miles from each other) and it didn't work. I would not be willing to enter into another any time soon.

I honestly wouldn't consider that a long distance relationship when you were less than 60 miles apart, but maybe that's just me!

Steph, I have had a relationship that went for 2 years at a 100-110 mile distance(see each other min. every other weekend), more every weekend than every other weekend tho. And yes, it can and does work fine, IF and I do mean IF there is mutual acceptance and appreciation combined from both people. Many things have to be laid out, no pun intended!, like the seriousness and long term outlook. I would still be doing this relationship 2day if she hadn't really shown her true outlook and objective. For 2 years she played along and didnt really show me or tell me directly what she wanted, which was way more than what I wanted until it came dramatically pouring out in the form of an ultimatum: you propose to me or I'm outta here, I'm not going to stay at this level and grow old like that" Well she surely had an agenda to say the least. Bottom line; if 2 people are honest with themselves as well as each other and can freely share their ideals then between the two of them I'm sure they can find a way to be happy and groove along in what ever way works for them both. Even if that means them allowing the other and wishing them to find their happiness through who or what ever, they can still be friends.

I think that was pretty crappy how she gave you an ultimatum like that. You're right ... both people have to be on the same page about the relationship in order for it to work. That's the case in any relationship actually, but even more so for one involving distance.

I would have to really click with a guy to try and make a long distance relationship work again. Had my heart broke this summer in one and it's got me leary. Tried a second time with someone else, and he was nice enough to tell me that the distance would ultimately be an issue for him, so that one ended before it began. Ah well ... NEXT!

That was me a few months a go... then after that I had kind of a new expericence; and even do didn't work I think is a matter of trust and how much u respect the person. The Real thing is that no matter how close you are to someone in body or soul is how much YOU want to respect and honor them.

Okay.. the single version of me says.. If it started that way, it could only stay that way a short while. Or it would have to be an open relationship.

The married version of me says.. a long distance relationship, if on any other level than love would work just fine.

Not sure how people can go that long w/o sex... it's like air, right????

Seriously though.. I guess it all depends on how much you really wanna be with that person...

Bingo!

A few weeks without makes it that much better when you get together...

I have to be honest with myself first and foremost and I know in my heart that this is home, where my family and friends are and where my roots are (and they run DEEP). So while I might be willing to move across town for someone I love, perhaps a little farther, I would not pick up and move half way across the country.

Now, having said that, IF one of those bazillion people from the far reaches of the universe and I should happen upon each other IRL or online, and he is willing to move, I would stress strongly that it is his choice that I would never ask him to leave his home and his family because I wouldn't do the same.

If he thinks I am worth it, then I would put my heart and soul in to making sure that he never regrets that decision.

They can work, but they can also be tricky. I have a friend who met a woman online that lived about 2 hours away. They now live together and he's finding out that he didn't know her half as well as he thought and isn't liking what he's seeing. On the other hand, when I was 18 I had a friend come home from boot camp/AIT for leave before he deployed to S. Korea for a year. In the few weeks that he was home, we fell head over heels for each other. He had to leave, definitely no choice there , and he was gone for 13 months. We were able to email and occasionally talk on the phone. In our case the time apart really reestablished our friendship, when he came home it was awesome!! Unfortunately though, he was only home for about a month then he had to go back. He got to come home on leave again about 6 months later, he proposed and we were married within a 4 week span and then he went back to S. Korea for another 6 months. When he was finally stateside again, we moved to Kentucky where he was part of a unit that was always in the field or deployed. For awhile there, we had spent as much, if not more, time apart than together, I used to joke that's why we stayed together so long We will be celebrating 7 years next month!! Anyways that was my long story but it all depends on the people involved and how honest they really are and if they are willing to move at some point to continue the relationship.

awwwww that is so sweet!!!! Thanks for making me smile today.. (hoping no one saw me post this) lol

I should try that.. but if I get really crabby.. someone let me know!

I never get crabby...just incredibly horny...I think I may kill poor Joe when I finally get my hands on him next week.

hehehehe lucky me !!!!!!!!!

well me and jenni have been together for over a year now we r still 153 miles away from each other i have leaned alot in 14 months.......wouldnt change it for nothing............wish we could see each other more often than everyother weekend but we cant.....monteagle is half way for us we meet like once a week there for dinner just to stay in touch.....god brought us together for a reson cause ive never felt like this before in my whole life and im 45 years old........if we can do it anyone can

A lot of times I feel frustrated because I have met some really great ladies who live over a 100 miles from me. My problem is I want to spend time with the woman I am having a relationship with. Once a week or every two weeks is too little. Plus what happens when you get really serious and want to take it to the next level, who is going to move where? I love where I live, my kids are here, my family, my job etc. I am sure her life is where she lives also. It seems a shame because I have met some wonderful ladies that I think I could have had a meaningful realtionship with. Just my opinion but long distance relationship would be very difficult.

I feel the same way about my long distance relationship. It is going well, and although it's difficult to be apart so much, I believe it will work out if we work at it. We've been averaging a visit every 4-6 weeks...so it is truly long distance. But we talk on the phone every day and flirt online here and there ...and when we get together... wow!! I feel like we may know each other even better than if we had met in person. Online and on the phone you are forced to talk more than you are in person sometimes. And...Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise ...we won't be long distance for too much longer. (But either way, he's worth it, so I'll do the long distance thing as long as I need to. )

Awww! ... yall are so damn sweet.

necro-thread arise!!!

I've been burned by long distance relationships in the past. One of which involved my ex moving here (I had a plane ticket to move to Hawaii to be close to her, but ended up having to have my gall bladder out, so she came here), us getting engaged, moving in together, then her taking off on me one day. Even though I have had bad experiences, I do think they can work, if both people are committed to the relationship. BS games and lies and crap complicate things in normal relationships, even more so in long distance ones. And at least one of the people does have to be willing to relocate. In my case, I'd love to. Lived in this area my whole life... need to see the world!